Halfway There Read online

  Vi: That wasn’t the biggest revelation though.

  Sean: No?

  Vi: No. It was the fact that it took two or three hours.

  Rita: We all thought a little better of Pooch after that.

  Sean: Are you sure there’s a waitress working here?

  Vi: Yeah, she’s here. Give her time. She’s experiencing a heavier period than usual this month.

  Mary Ellen: I don’t know if Janine would want you telling Sean that, Vi.

  Vi: Why not? He’s a doctor.

  Mary Ellen: I know, but maybe Sean doesn’t want to hear about her heavier period. He just landed in town. He’s looking for a sandwich and a beverage. Maybe it’s too soon to talk about menstruation.

  Vi: Is it too soon to talk about menstruation, Sean? Because if it is, I’ll shut the hell up.

  Sean: Not at all. Talk about whatever you like.

  Rita: Where do you stand on circumcision?

  Mary Ellen: Rita!

  Rita: He said talk about whatever you like.

  Sean: Maybe I should find another restaurant.

  Vi: Oh nonsense. Stay right where you are. Here, let me start you off with a coffee.

  Vi goes behind the counter and gets the coffee pot and pours a coffee for Sean.

  Sean: No, I’m in kind of a hurry, so . . .

  Vi: Oh, nobody’s in a hurry here.

  Sean: No?

  Mary Ellen: We can’t be. Every time you go out you see somebody you know and you wind up talking to them for half an hour. Nobody gets anywhere in a hurry here.

  Rita: Oh, that reminds me. I saw Penny Steeves on the way to work this morning.

  Mary Ellen: Really? I haven’t seen Penny in weeks.

  Rita: She’s been over in Elderbank looking after her father.

  Mary Ellen: Ted?

  Rita: Yeah.

  Mary Ellen: What’s wrong with Ted?

  Rita: He’s got the gout. Can barely get around.

  Vi: It’s the whiskey that causes it. Isn’t that right, Sean?

  Sean: That can be one of the causes, yes.

  Vi: Well, that’s what it is with Ted. That man drinks like a winded goat.

  Mary Ellen: Drinks likes he’s trying to forget two wives.

  Sean: That much, huh?

  Mary Ellen: Oh that much and more.

  Rita: So, yay or nay, Sean? On the circumcision question.

  Janine Babineau enters from the back.

  Janine: She-it!! This is a bad one. It is one giant motherffff . . .

  The other three women point to Sean.

  Hey, how you doin’? I hope you haven’t been waiting long. I was just . . . out back.

  Rita: It’s okay, Janine. Vi told him about your heavy flow this month.

  Janine: (to Vi) You what?

  Vi: He’s a doctor. It’s fine.

  Janine: You what?

  Rita: He didn’t even blink, Janine. Took it right in stride.

  Vi: Okay, I really have to go. Janine, you’re coming to Dugan’s when you get off?

  Janine: Dugan’s? Uh . . . yeah. Sure.

  Vi: We’ll save you a seat then. What about you, Mary Ellen? You coming tonight?

  Mary Ellen: No, I gotta go home and feed the brood.

  Vi: Oh for the love of God. Let them get their own supper for a change. You’ve got two grown boys and a man-child husband. Surely they can forage for something on their own.

  Mary Ellen: Sorry. Next week for sure though.

  Vi: Rita?

  Rita: Oh, I’ll be there. What the hell else have I got to do on a Friday night? Unless the doctor here would like to check me for lumps.

  Vi: Sean? Nice meeting you.

  Mary Ellen: Yes, nice meeting you, Sean. Good luck at the clinic.

  Sean: Thank you.

  Rita: Yes, I’ll be stopping by to see you for sure. Tell me, do you have an “after hours” policy? It doesn’t have to be at the clinic. It could be at my place. Or in my car.

  Vi: Rita, come along with ya. Bye, Janine!

  Mary Ellen: Bye, Janine!

  Janine: Bye.

  Rita: Bye, Sean.

  Sean waves to Rita. Vi, Rita, and Mary Ellen exit.

  Sean: Charming women.

  Janine: I’m sorry about the “heavier flow” talk.

  Sean: No problem.

  Janine: What can I get you?

  Sean: Can I see a menu?

  Janine: Okay, but if you want food, you’re going to have to order fast. We close in twenty minutes.

  Janine hands Sean a menu.

  Sean: You close at five?

  Janine: We sure do.

  Sean: But that’s the supper hour. Isn’t that your busiest time?

  Janine: No. Most folks go to the Cavalier for supper. Or to Dugan’s. Our business is mainly breakfast and lunch. Besides, Junior likes to go home and have supper with his family.

  Sean: Oh, that’s nice.

  Janine: It is.

  Sean: And it gives you time to have supper with your family too, I guess.

  Janine: I don’t have a family.

  Sean: No?

  Janine: Nope. Just me. I live with a fella but he’s off working out west on the oil sands. Eight weeks on, two weeks off.

  Sean: Eight weeks, huh? That’s a long time to be away from your loved ones.

  Janine: I didn’t say I loved him. I said I lived with him. So, what’ll you have?

  Sean: Oh. I haven’t even looked yet.

  Janine: Well, hurry up. Junior’ll be shuttin’ off the stove soon.

  Sean: What would you recommend?

  Janine: I’d recommend going to Dugan’s. But if you must eat here then I’d go with the chicken Caesar.

  Sean: All right. The chicken Caesar it is.

  Janine goes to the kitchen door and calls in.

  Janine: Junior? I need a chicken Caesar out here, please.

  (to Sean) That shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.

  Sean: Thank you.

  Janine: So, the girls said you’re a doctor?

  Sean: Yes. I’m here for a month filling in for Doctor Caldwell. I’ll be here until the long weekend.

  Janine: What happened to Doctor Caldwell?

  Sean: He’s going to South America to do missionary work.

  Janine: Pooch is? He didn’t tell me that. Pooch is my doctor. Course, I haven’t been to see him in a year. Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell me.

  Sean: A year? You must be due for a physical then. You should make an appointment.

  Janine: For a physical?

  Sean: Yes.

  Janine: My my, you don’t waste any time, do you?

  Sean: Pardon me?

  Janine: In town ten minutes and you want to see me naked already.

  Sean: No, I didn’t mean it like that.

  Janine: I’m kidding. So, where are you from?

  Sean: Toronto.

  Janine: Oh, we don’t like Toronto.

  Sean: Yes, I heard.

  Janine: And where are you staying while you’re here?

  Sean: I’ll find a hotel, I guess.

  Janine: There aren’t any.

  Sean: Any what? Hotels?

  Janine: No.

  Sean: There are no hotels here?

  Janine: No. Where do you think you are? Tatamagouche? We’ve got a bed and breakfast though. Luanne’s. Just up the road.

  Sean: Well, maybe I’ll try there then.

  Janine: So you drove all the way from Toronto without knowing where you were going to be staying when you got here?

  Sean: Well, coming here was kind of a last-minute decision.

  Janine: Ah. Interesting.

  Sean: So, I noticed that sign out on the highway that read “Halfway to the North Pole.” What does that mean?

  Janine: Stewiacke is exactly halfway between the equator and the North Pole.

  Sean: Really?

  Janine: It’s our claim to fame.

  Sean: That’s funny.

  Janine: Why is that funny?
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br />   Sean: No, I don’t mean that it’s funny about it being your claim to fame. I just mean . . . I recently split up with my fiancée. So, a month ago I had it made. A woman I loved. A future together. A good medical practice. And now here I am, sitting in a diner, halfway to the North Pole. I guess that’s an indication of how far I’ve fallen in a month.

  Janine: It doesn’t sound like you’re flattering us.

  Sean: I’m sorry. It’s nothing about your town. It’s just . . . never mind. I’m sure it’s a lovely town.

  Janine: It’ll do.

  Sean: Are you from here?

  Janine: I am. Born and raised.

  Sean: You never had an urge to move away? See what’s out there?

  Janine: Well, I’m not an idiot. I know what’s out there. That’s why I’m here. I’ve been to New York, Montreal, Los Angeles, Paris, Milan . . .

  Sean: Paris and Milan?

  Janine: Yeah. I used to be a buyer for a clothing store. I got the job when I graduated from the London College of Fashion.

  Sean: The London College of Fashion. Wow. So, you’ve been to all those places and you came back here? Why?

  Janine: I missed the life here. And I missed my friends.

  Sean: Your friends?

  Janine: Yeah.

  Sean: Violet, Rita, and Mary Ellen? Those friends?

  Janine: Yeah. And others. I’ve got plenty of friends in town.

  Sean: But you could make new friends.

  Janine: I don’t want new friends.

  Sean: Why not?

  Janine: Because the old friends aren’t broken.

  Sean: Hmm. You’re uh . . .

  Janine: I’m what?

  Sean: You’re an interesting woman.

  Janine: I am, aren’t I? You, on the other hand, have a bit of a hangdog personality.

  Sean: Hangdog?

  Janine: A little woebegone, yes.

  Sean: Is that how I appear? Oh, that’s pathetic. All right. No more of that. And thank you for bringing it to my attention.

  Janine: We speak our minds here.

  Sean: I’m learning that. So, I guess your parents were happy that you moved back home after being away.

  Janine: No, as soon as I left home they packed up and moved away themselves.

  Sean: Where did they go?

  Janine: Toronto. Yeah, Stewiacke isn’t for everybody, but those of us who stay love it.

  Sean: Well, I believe that when you find a place that feels like home, that’s where you should be.

  Janine: Have you found that place yet?

  Sean: I thought I had.

  Janine: Until your fiancée dumped you.

  Sean: I didn’t say she dumped me. I said we split up.

  Janine: Because she dumped you.

  Sean: Yeah.

  Janine: You ever been married before?

  Sean: Nope. This was going to be the first and last time.

  Janine: Really? You’ve never been married at your age? What are you, forty-six? Forty-seven?

  Sean: Forty-two.

  Janine: Wow. This last month really has been hard on you.

  Sean: What about you? Have you ever been married?

  Janine: Nope.

  Sean: At your age? You’ve gotta be . . .

  Janine: Careful.

  Sean: So, why have you never married?

  Janine: I haven’t found the love of my life yet.

  Sean: What about the guy you’re living with?

  Janine: Oh Bradley and I get along okay, and I suppose I love him a bit, but the love of my life? No, that’s a whole different level. But there’s a certain comfort in being with Bradley. There’s something to be said for that, right?

  Sean: Comfort?

  Janine: Yeah.

  Sean: I’d be looking for a little more than comfort if I were you. Comfort isn’t love. Comfort doesn’t excite you. Comfort is a pair of slippers.

  Janine: Yeah, well at least I have a pair. Sorry.

  Sean: Maybe we should change the subject.

  Janine: Good idea.

  Sean: How long have you worked here?

  Janine: Ever since I moved back. Eight years now.

  Sean: What about your friends? What do they do?

  Janine: Rita works at the bakery across the street. Mary Ellen teaches preschool. And Vi’s an accountant. She works out of her home.

  Sean: Well, they’re a delightful trio.

  Janine: They’re great gals. They usually stop in here at around four o’clock every day for a little gabfest. It’s something I really look forward to.

  Sean: You know that heavy flow of yours could be a symptom of a bigger problem. I’m not saying it is, but it could be.

  Janine: Like what?

  Sean: Oh, uterine fibroids, polyps, dysfunction of the ovaries. Any number of things. Maybe you should come and see me next week.

  Janine: Uh . . . sure, I could do that. I’m off Wednesdays.

  Sean: Well, how about next Wednesday morning? I’ll run some tests.

  Janine: Okay.

  Sean: What’s your last name?

  Janine: Babineau.

  Sean: Janine Babineau. I’ll pencil you in for Wednesday morning then.

  He looks at his watch.

  Oh boy. I’d better get that salad to go.

  Janine: Really?

  Sean: Yeah. I’ve got to check in at the clinic before they close for the day.

  Janine: Okay.

  She moves to the kitchen door and shouts.

  Junior, put some legs on that salad!

  (to Sean) So, what happened to your practice?

  Sean: Pardon me?

  Janine: When you were whinging about your sorry existence a minute ago you said you had a good medical practice. What happened to it?

  Sean: Well, there were three of us in this small neighbourhood clinic. Myself, my fiancée, and a doctor named Lorenzo. So, when my fiancée and I split up we figured it would be impossible to work together so one of us had to go.

  Janine: Uh-huh. And why you?

  Sean: It was the gentlemanly thing to do.

  Janine: Your fiancée was sleeping with Lorenzo.

  Sean: How did you know?

  Janine: The man’s name is Lorenzo. He’s probably better looking than you. More exciting than you. Knows how to dance really well. No, you didn’t stand a chance.

  Sean: Is dancing that big a deal?

  Janine: To a woman? Very big deal. There’s something sexy about a man who knows how to dance.

  Sean: Really?

  Janine: Oh, very sexy. You don’t dance?

  Sean: Never learned how.

  Janine: Well there you go. I don’t know why she agreed to marry you in the first place.

  We hear a bell ring from the kitchen.

  There’s your salad.

  Janine exits to the kitchen.

  Sean: (to himself) I don’t know if he was better looking than me.

  Janine enters with a bag containing the salad.

  Janine: Oh he was. Here you go.

  Sean: Thank you. What’s the damage?

  Janine: No, it’s on me. Consider it a welcome to Stewiacke.

  Sean: Really?

  Janine: Absolutely.

  Sean: Well, thank you. That’s very kind.

  Janine: Don’t mention it.

  Sean: So, I’ll see you on Wednesday.

  Janine: Yes you will.

  Sean starts to exit and then stops.

  Sean: Listen, maybe you’ll let me repay you by buying you dinner next week.

  Janine: What?

  Sean: For the salad. Let me buy you dinner next week.

  Janine: Buy me dinner?

  Sean: Yes.

  Janine: Well, that would be awkward, wouldn’t it? I mean, Wednesday morning I’m in your examination room, naked, and later that night we’re eating baba ghanouj like you never even saw it.

  Sean: Saw what?

  Janine: Me. Naked.

  Sean: Oh.

  Janine:
No, that would be too weird.

  Sean: Yeah, I guess it would be weird.

  Janine: Very weird.

  Sean: We could go to dinner Tuesday night. Before the examination.

  Janine: Same thing. Tuesday night we shake hands good night, and Wednesday morning? Boom! I’m naked again.

  Sean: You’re right. We would have to let a suitable amount of time pass between the examination and the dinner.

  Janine: Isn’t this unethical on a couple of levels?

  Sean: Why?

  Janine: Well, first of all, I told you I’m living with a guy.

  Sean: Well, this is just dinner. Repayment for you giving me the salad.